Heaven knows how they worked that out logistically – “Everybody ready? Sad faces, people! Start walking… ah crap, he’s gone for a coffee” – but such elaborate machinations are the heart of Bond. Particularly fun is the funeral parade and empty coffin ready to pick up the recently knifed spy. The pre-credits purge of the diplomats is brilliant. Which – heretically or not – many certainly don’t. The vibe is more Jason Biggs than Sean Connery but that’s only a negative if you take Connery as gospel. It’s typical Moore, a joke at the expense of logic: surely M wouldn’t give a crap about two adults having consensual sex in their downtime? However, Rog stuffs Miss Caruso in the closet and shows off his coffee machine to the boss. See you for brunch.”Īppropriately enough, Roger’s first scene as Bond involves him smuggling a recently-bedded female spy around his apartment to hide her from M. Even though, deep down, you suspect he’s slightly too old to be hitting the shots, the guy is such a laugh who cares? Come the end of the evening, Roger leaves with the hottest, youngest girl on his arm and gives you a cheery wave: “absolute pleasure, old sport! Same time again?” And, clasping hands to your pounding head, you mutter, “Okay Roger. Roger guffaws at all of your jokes, makes you laugh at his own slightly off-color ones and encourages you to text that girl you know you shouldn’t but really want to. Craig is curt and always seems on the verge of killing you.īut Roger – Roger is the life and soul! Roger instigates drinking games, performs magic tricks, starts up a conga line. Brosnan is charming yet a little tortured, wincing slightly when you mention a trusted friend. Lazenby cracks a few weak jokes and ends up cleaning puke from the toilets because he’s too damn nice to say no. Connery spends the night gambling, and won’t bother talking to you unless you are either a beautiful woman or perceived threat. Most of the James Bonds wouldn’t be much gas at parties. His biggest problem is his greatest strength. Roger is happy to do stuff all the other Bonds would deem beneath them. Drive a gondolier through the streets of Venice? If you must. He’s also the most generous, willing to do anything to ensure everybody has a good time. Roger Moore isn’t the best Bond but he’s the most fun. But – appreciating 1970s Bond girls are not bastions of feminism – she’s an utter knockout and that counts for far more than I’d like to pretend. To be blunt, Solitaire seems a little dumb.
Silent when threatened, during the climatic fights she just cowers. At no point is Solitaire remotely helpful. She is alarmingly passive however: entirely at the mercy of Kananga, utterly reliant on Bond. She has a brilliant name that sort of links to her character and doesn’t sound like the punchline to a dirty joke.
The Girl: Kept in captivity by Kananga, relying on her virginity to read the tarot cards, Solitaire has far more backstory than most Moore girls. Loses points for a particularly stupid demise but that isn’t his fault. He has an unrequited crush on the Bond girl, and an exceptional array of henchman. He repeatedly and unsuccessfully tries to feed Bond to various unpleasant creatures. In other respects, Kananga is a fairly typical villain.
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